Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is it Just Exhaustion?

Lately, I have been SOOO tired. Not just tired, but exhausted and the exhaustion does not ease much even with ample sleep or caffeine. I would like to think that it is just the terms of motherhood to a toddler, but I know it is much more than that. I am suffering from depression and struggling with unwanted weight loss. 


I want to express that the separation did not cause this and instead brought these conditions to light. God has a reason for everything. I believe this was one of them.

For the longest, I have been depressed, alone, uninterested (with no reason behind feeling this way at all.)  I had always blamed it on my current situation - parents fighting at home, teasing from girls at school (I always got along with the boys better), my mom's illness, father's unemployment, poverty...the list goes on. I always thought that once those situations became better that I would feel better. That has not been the case at all.

I met the love of my life six years ago. He made me forget the chaos in my life. But still I found myself sad for no reason. He could tell and would ask Eventually, we both accepted that I would be sad sometimes. We kept that way of thinking until our separation. I began counseling to deal with the possible divorce and was encouraged to see my doctor for a depression screening.

I had been dreading this for years! I knew the results before I even took the test.

Along with the depression, I have had a constant battle with weight. Though, I have always been fairly small. Over the summer I lost 17 pounds that I really did not need to lose. After researching my BMI, I am officially underweight. This Friday, I will see a doctor for my weight management. Since she cannot help me with my anti-depressants I will also be seeing a psychiatrist on campus (got to love university health care.) I am not excited to begin seeing a psychiatrist, but I am doing whatever it takes to give my family and myself the best me possible.

This was just on my mind today.
Love you guys. Take care!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...