Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Is it Just Exhaustion?

Lately, I have been SOOO tired. Not just tired, but exhausted and the exhaustion does not ease much even with ample sleep or caffeine. I would like to think that it is just the terms of motherhood to a toddler, but I know it is much more than that. I am suffering from depression and struggling with unwanted weight loss. 

I want to express that the separation did not cause this and instead brought these conditions to light. God has a reason for everything. I believe this was one of them.

For the longest, I have been depressed, alone, uninterested (with no reason behind feeling this way at all.)  I had always blamed it on my current situation - parents fighting at home, teasing from girls at school (I always got along with the boys better), my mom's illness, father's unemployment, poverty...the list goes on. I always thought that once those situations became better that I would feel better. That has not been the case at all.

I met the love of my life six years ago. He made me forget the chaos in my life. But still I found myself sad for no reason. He could tell and would ask Eventually, we both accepted that I would be sad sometimes. We kept that way of thinking until our separation. I began counseling to deal with the possible divorce and was encouraged to see my doctor for a depression screening.

I had been dreading this for years! I knew the results before I even took the test.

Along with the depression, I have had a constant battle with weight. Though, I have always been fairly small. Over the summer I lost 17 pounds that I really did not need to lose. After researching my BMI, I am officially underweight. This Friday, I will see a doctor for my weight management. Since she cannot help me with my anti-depressants I will also be seeing a psychiatrist on campus (got to love university health care.) I am not excited to begin seeing a psychiatrist, but I am doing whatever it takes to give my family and myself the best me possible.

This was just on my mind today.
Love you guys. Take care!

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