As with all parent-child relationships, there were some really great things that they instilled in me and some that have become a bit of a roadblock at times. One such case, I came face-to-face with this weekend. I have the hardest time asking for help...with anything. My dad instilled in me not to depend on anyone and if I cannot do it myself then that’s that. For example, when we didn’t have a car, we walked everywhere in lieu of asking for rides from family. Those grocery trips could be a workout. So when I got older, I walked everywhere I went to, or paid for a taxi if I had the money and it was too long of a trip. It was only until I met my boyfriend (now husband) that I began to see that asking isn’t a bad thing. He actually preferred me not to walk and would go out of his way (and his mom’s way) to make sure I had a ride home from class.
Years later, I’m still stuck in my ways. This time with asking for help while my husband is traveling. Many have asked and offered to watch our daughter, or anything else we might need in his absence. I’m always grateful but I know I probably won’t take them up on it. Well, there’s a young wives mentoring program beginning at my church this week. My husband is still out of town and with no family or babysitter, I had no one to watch her. He wanted me to ask around. I prayed I would find someone to ask and that God would give me the opportunity to ask (because I know how I am. I will end up not doing it and miss out on the opportunity.)
God answered and prompted. Sunday morning in our Fellowship class, we begin with prayer requests and praises. I walked in a few minutes late and sat in the back debating whether to say anything. One of the leaders of the class rose his hand and said” I don’t know if there is a praise request or praise, but Tiffany, is there anything you’d like us to pray for?” Well, thanks and thank you God. I did share, a little more than I thought I would about how much it meant to me to be in the program and a friend offered to watch her! Instant answered prayer. All I had to so was ask.
Another wonderful friend, said a prayer for me during that time and it was so beautiful, going beyond my simple request to include God’s grace for the days that my husband is travleing. I thanked her afterward and she expressed how she had been through the same situation with ther girls with no family to help, just like us. It became really emotional and I told her how hard it is for me to ask for help. She said that’s what our church family is there for. I left church almost in tears. God is good.
But why is it so hard to break that way of life? I imagine not relying on anyone is something my dad learned growing up and it worked for him. I’m learning over the years that this does not work for me though and that’s okay. It may take some time to break that pattern of thinking but I definitely have a bigger family than what I thought.