"J And Tiffany sitting in a tree,
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in a baby carriage."
Our story did not exactly follow that order. We had been engaged twice and called them off because we were so young and could not afford a wedding - or so we thought. We found out that we were expecting in December 2008. I was working full time while being a full time college student that I did not notice my period never came.
I would love to say that we were completely overjoyed when the at-home test said that we were pregnant. Instead what followed was tears (happy and sad). J immediately wanted to get married and start our new family off as right as possible at this point. Since I worked at the courthouse, I knew that on Fridays, one of the judges officiates marriages. All we needed was to pay the fees and set the date. We decided to do it the following month.
My family knew we were living together unmarried but of course, did not approve. And now I had to tell them I was pregnant...and getting married next month?!
"EVERYONE IS GOING TO THINK THIS IS A SHOTGUN WEDDING!!"
"IF ANYONE BACKDATES THE BIRTH, THEY WILL KNOW!"
See where my thinking went wrong? It was not about being thankful for this precious gift from God. Instead I was filled with SHAME. It robbed me of the moment I had always dreamed of.
But guess what?
We still got married.
We still had our baby girl.
We're still married.
And she is so AMAZING!!
My biggest lesson in all of this was that I allowed shame to rob me of that precious mommy moment. Not only that but I allowed it to keep hold of me for a long time. There is nothing shameful about a gift from God.And to all those who thought badly of us, I forgave them. It is not for them to understand God's plan for us. I just know I am blessed.
If you are expecting or a mother who is dealing with shame, I hope you know that you are blessed too. ALL MOTHERS ARE BLESSED.
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