Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My Heart Aches & My Testimony

Today's post is going to be really raw for me, but it is one that needs to be written. It's going to be a spiritual and emotional one.

Marriage's are really under fire lately and it hurts my heart and spirit to see the devil claiming victory over so many of them. I see so many of my Facebook friends' status' change to it's complicated or single. Yes, I actually do care about the people on my friend list. At points in my life, many were really important to me and hold a special place in my memories. These were not people claiming to be married because they thought it was cute. These are real marriages with real children involved. Marriages on both sides of my family are also under fire. 

I think it hurts most because I have been in that position before. I have been at the point of almost being divorced, finding myself alone with a small child to care for. I cannot put into words the emotions or thoughts I experienced back then. Even if there was not a child involved, the pain is still debilitating. It breaks my heart every time I see other marriages going through this struggle. 

I will ALWAYS give ALL the praise and glory to GOD because I can't explain how we've made it even when there seemed like no hope. Somehow our hearts were changed and nothing seemed more important than our love, marriage and our family. I often say it seems as though we're not the same people we were before. It has been hard recovery and progression but its been a blessing. At times the memories try to hit me in an attempt to distract my focus. I never want to be back in that place and I'd be so bold to say that my husband feels the same. 

Sometimes, I attempt to reason why we had so many problems back then. Was it because we didn't have marriage modeled for us? Did we rush into marriage? Then, I realize that whatever it was, it doesn't matter. We have a God who is bigger than all of our problems, individually and as a couple. He was bigger than them then and he is bigger than anything may come our way later. 

I desperately wish marriages that could be saved, would be saved. I believe that it is possible and is up to both spouses and God. I know not all believe in God, but for my family, we do. I believe that our faith saved us. I am thankful that I have a testimony and it is building everyday. 

Here is a snippet from one of my favorite songs right now - "My Testimony" by Marvin Sapp

"So glad I made it. I made it through. In spite of the storm and rain. Heartache and pain. I'm still alive declaring, that I made it through, I didn't lose. Experienced loss at a major cost. But I never lost faith in you.  So, if you see me cry, its just a sign that I'm still alive. I've got some scars, but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity...He still has a plan for me. And it's working for my good."


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